If I were menace to society...

Sometimes I catch myself thinking of THE most random things while driving or walking somewhere. My mind likes to wonder and make up its own endings to certain incidents. I guess my mind makes the endings up as I would want them to happen. But everyone knows that is not how that works. Who would have thought so many people close to me would have such an impact on my life?
My Uncle Brian for instance, I find myself thinking about him a lot lately, I am really close to their family. Teresa, Brian, Chase, Justin, Addison, and the newly born Michael. It has been nearly 4 months since he passed away, and when I look at his picture that I have on my dashboard in my car, I can't help but to think of all the memories I have of him. On November 17th 2007, I was up in Salt Lake all day, I was supposed to be meeting my boyfriend at the time for lunch at 12:00. Dallin (Boyfriend) calls me at 1145 and tells me he wont be able to met me until later. I was still living in Provo, and because I am punctual I was already in Salt Lake visiting family. So, I thought to myself, oh perfect, now I have nothing to do all day and will have to sit around and wait until 6:00 (When I was supposed to meet Dallin). I decided to visit family until the time came to meet Dallin for dinner, well, I was going to go and visit Brian and Teresa, but I didn't know how he felt and didn't want to bother them if it wasn't a good day. So I didn't. 6:00pm rolls round, no call from Dallin, 7:00pm rolls around, no call from Dallin. So My aunt Jana and Uncle Rob invited me to go to Training Table to get dinner with them and my other aunt and uncle I hadn't seen in a while.
8:00pm rolls around, still no call from Dallin. I was getting very flustered by this time, not only had he not called me, but I had been waiting since 11am to see him. So i just went home with Jana and Rob and started to get ready to get to bed. At 9:30, I get a call from Dallin, I didn't care what was holding him up but I wanted to make sure he was aware that I was not at all happy. I am not one to make a big deal of something, not to mention it takes a lot to get me down. I am a very happy person. But i don't like being lied to and I don't like waiting. Then again, who does?
So, me, being the understanding person I am, drove the 15 miles it takes to get from my Aunt's house to his house. We were watching Disturbia, when my phone started ringing. It was my aunt sending me a text that read "Uncle Brian died tonight". That was ALL it said. I felt like I couldn't breath, the first thing that went through my head was, " I had all day to go visit him and I didn't." It was eating at me. I felt terrible, I couldn't think of anything else to do but cry. So I did, I let the tears flow like a river right after a storm. I got up and left the room, called my parents and told them the news, they told me I needed to call the people that were supposed to be coming with me to California for Thanksgiving. Tell them I was not going anymore and that they would need to find another way to get to California. My parents were leaving California in the morning. I was hysterical, I could barely talk, barely breath. Dallin came out to the living room and was trying to be sympathetic, I don't know if he just didn't know how to be sympathetic, or what. But his hugs and words felt heartless. I Had to leave, I grabbed my things and left.
That night was horrendous. I didn't sleep, i couldn't. Around 3am I get a call from Dallin. He figured I would be awake. The stupid prick thinks it is a good idea to end our relationship. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. "You want to do this, right now?!" Dallin said it would be better to end it now then hold it out. I haven't been able to forgive him for that day. I don't think i will be able to, nor do I really want to.
Everything happens for a reason. Whether that reason is to bring us into the gospel or to help us grow stronger as a person. They kind of go hand in hand. I realized it then, that, in order to love someone else, you have to learn to love yourself.
School is in an hour, I had the day off of work today and missionary (Bryce) was supposed to be online so we could finish our conversations from the past few weeks. But he was not. Oh well, his loss.
Another thing I have realized, even if you are having a crappy day, if you just think positive and have a good attitude it changes the way you feel and the way you act. If you truly want to be happy, then ACT happy and let the rest follow.
you'll notice a big difference.

Danielle